A change in attitude

PROBLEM: I have a strange problem. I don't like taking orders/to-do-lists from myself.

I don't have a problem with being asked to do something by someone else. But when it is I, who asks myself to do something, I end up in a strange situation.

First, there is an instant aversion to doing that task. Then, I get caught up in trying to figure out if I really really 'need' to do that task..
"How much significance does that task really have, considering the miracle of life, cosmos etc".. "Ok, what will happen if I don't do it today...Ok,ok,ok, what will happen if I don't do it ever?" etc etc... and eventually I come to the conclusion that "the world will not end if I don't do it, so forget about it"..

I have previously tried to attack this problem by disguising the to-do-task as a 'duty'. But 'duty' is a big word, and most of our daily chores definitely do not qualify as our life's duties. So that strategy failed...

SOLUTION: Recently I came up with a new strategy that seems to be working somewhat - I tell myself - "I can do this and then that", instead of saying, "I should do this and then I have to really do that".......OR I 'ask' myself what I 'can' do instead of 'telling/ordering' myself what I 'should' be doing...

And this seemingly minor change has made a world of difference to me. Because this way, I no longer digress.... into a debate with myself, about a task's eligibility to qualify as my 'duty'...

And the underlying reason why this strategy might actually work for a lot of procrastinators is that this strategy addresses the real problem - there are only a few things we really care about, a 100% I mean.. And if any task is not related to those few things, then no one, including ourselves, can convince us to start caring about them...because at that point, we are talking about changing our personality, which is not easy for anyone..

One important thing I observed is that 'what I can do' is really a super-duper super-set of 'what I should be doing'.... Probably we should approach life itself with this attitude rather than constantly go over, what we feel, are our list of chores/duties, and feel burdened by them.

Hopefully, with this change in attitude, I can do some things right.

EXTENDING...Apart from our personal life, if we apply this to other areas -
A not-so-uncommon scenario is people being under-utilized in a company. Probably, employers/managers should give their employees, apart from their to-do-list, a can-do-list as well or allow the employees to come up with their own can-do-list. A work environment where employees are given a list of responsibilities and then restricted to those responsibilities, is not such a great environment to work in.

As employees, we should probably think about what we 'can' do instead of restricting ourselves to our assigned to-do-list. This is probably the main difference between people who move 'up' versus the rest.

(A relevant post by Seth Godin is - The problem with unlimited.
He suggests that specifying a 'max' limit is good sometimes. Currently a 'minimum' limit is what everyone is used to. For e.g. At work, I am expected, at the minimum, to finish a certain set of tasks this week. But no one has given me, the maximum set of tasks that I am allowed to finish this week... :) )

Options, Screwing up

One thing critical to decision-making is probably this - when I don't like any of the options that I have before me, instead of picking the 'best' among them, I should probably try to come up with more options.

I have often had to justify my actions by saying - "that was the best option I had at that time"... We hear this statement from almost every person who screws up.

I think where I went wrong was this - it was Not in the decision-making process of which option was best, but in the decision-making process of which options I had.

(Below are related posts by Seth Godin - The decision before the decision , Getting unstuck: solving the perfect problem)

Tired of being pissed off

American History X is a movie made in 1998. The protagonist is Derek Vinyard who is pissed off with state of the society. If not as much as Derek Vinyard, we still get pissed off with a lot of things as we get acquainted with how some things work in our society.

Below are two quotes (which I think) summarize the lesson that the movie intends to tell... and I hope to remember via this post.

1) Derek Vinyard to his brother Danny: I'm tired of being pissed off, Danny. I'm just tired of it.

2) Bob Sweeney: There was a moment, when I used to blame everything and everyone for all the pain and suffering and vile things that happened to me, that I saw happen to my people. Used to blame everybody. Blamed white people, blamed society, blamed God. I didn't get no answers 'cause I was asking the wrong questions. You have to ask the right questions.
Derek Vinyard: Like what?
Bob Sweeney: Has anything you've done made your life better?

Staying Sane

A major challenge, probably the primary challenge, for an adult, in today's internet age is - to stay sane.

Ignorance was bliss. But today, because of the omnipresent media, we hear about so many horror stories the world over, and the next instant, we have re-focus and get back to work. I am not sure what that routine does to us psychologically.

I have, forever actually, been trying to come up with a philosophy that allows me to do both - do what I am supposed to do, and also, at least feel for the people in despair.

I guess, as an adult, we have to act professionally at work. No matter what happens, we have to get the work done. This requires a lot of self-discipline, which I lack unfortunately. I have tried to inculcate self-discipline, but lost the battle everytime by reasoning that it was not worth it or that it was not natural. Sometimes, we have to lose...

I think one should not read Google News etc while working. It really affects the mind when you read of an earthquake somewhere, but you have to re-focus onto your work.

Global tragedies aside, what about personal issues ? In my case, my personal life affects professional life immensely. And I dont think it is different with most people. It is very essential to work on our personal lives, so that we may have a good professional life.

Life throws at us, so many things, that it is ridiculous.. I realized that there is more happiness and pain, beauty and horror, good and evil, greatness and incompetence...than I will ever be able to imagine even.

It is important to try to stay sane through all of this. Do whatever it is, that helps you to stay sane.

The aim of life... from Bhagat Singh's prison diary

"The aim of life is no more to control the mind, but to develop it harmoniously; not to achieve salvation here after, but to make the best use of it here below; and not to realise truth, beauty and good only in contemplation, but also in the actual experience of daily life; social progress depends not upon the ennoblement of the few but on the enrichment of democracy; universal brotherhood can be achieved only when there is an equality of opportunity - of opportunity in the social, political and individual life." — from Bhagat Singh's prison diary

Attitude in sports

Is SRK tweeting his way out of Kolkata Knight Riders?
http://cricket.ndtv.com/IPL2010/news_story.aspx?ID=SPOEN20100138236&keyword=news

The above news article on ndtv.com is about SRK's tweets suggesting he will leave the Knight Riders, because they have failed to reach semi-finals again. In the above page, I posted the below comments because I felt that SRK is promoting a really bad attitude w.r.t how to play sports -

"Every team should aim to play good cricket. Win or lose, the viewers want to watch good cricket. Should this not be the philosophy of every team in any situation- to play good cricket, win or lose ?

Mr SRK, I am a viewer and I don't care who comes to semi-finals. Every time I watch a IPL match, I am hoping to see some spectacular batting, or bowling, or fielding effort. Please understand this very important aspect about us viewers. We really don't care who wins or loses in the Indian Premier Leagure (even if some of us think we do!).

Perfection, even for a moment, leaves an everlasting memory, and that is why we are watching the IPL.. After all, all teams are Indian teams.. (No one can wish for Tendulkar to get out, can they?)

As an owner, I think you are harming your team by putting too much pressure on the team.

Play-only-to-win attitude is harmful to everyone involved. I am shocked no one talks about this serious issue any more."

This also reminds me of an incident with my roommate Diwakar during my Masters - an NFL match was on TV (I did not know any of the teams at that point), so I asked Diwakar, which team he was supporting.. I will not forget his answer ever... He said he always supports the Offense..

How to think for myself

I was watching The Colbert Report and Stephen Colbert asked Raj Patel, an author & activist, the below interesting question -

Stephen Colbert: I would love to think for myself. How should I do that?

Raj Patel: "I entirely think questioning the world around you, why it is that resources are distributed the way that they are is a good start. And then getting to the root causes of why there is poverty, why there is hunger. Asking these kinds of questions gets you to a much better place for thinking about how to change the world than merely following the directives of someone whose voice is ethereally about you right now.

The underlined sentence above is a very good answer to an extremely complex question. To start to understand the world around us, we have to start by questioning why 'resources are distributed the way that they are' currently.

(First chapter of the book The Value of Nothing - First Chapter of The Value of Nothing - pdf
Interview about the book - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXDRNeCFxKQ&feature=related

First chapter mentions that The Great Transformation, a 1940s book by Karl Polanyi, is a very important book to read.. Also mentioned is The Shock Doctrine - Rise of Disaster Capitalism by Naomi Klein.

Other books by Raj Patel - Stuffed and Starved: The Hidden Battle for the World Food System
A talk about "Real Price of Food" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21b8kRKcgV4&feature=related)

A reason to be 'good'

Below story was also forwarded to me by UK. The below story illustrates the following - if we are in a situation where we have to trade-in our moral values for some benefit for us or our loved ones, we have to remember that that heavy price is not being paid only by us, it is being paid by both - us and our loved ones (family & friends). This is the prime reason to be 'good'.

A quote from Readers Digest comes to mind - "We ourselves have to live our lives in the manner that we want our children to live theirs." When in a dilemma, using this strategy can bring in a totally new perspective.

STORY NUMBER ONE

Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.

Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie." He was Capone's lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.

To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well.. Not only was the money big, but Eddie got special dividends, as well. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City block. Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him.

Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object.

And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son; he couldn't pass on a good name or a good example.

One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al "Scarface" Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some resemblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great. So, he testified.

Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay.. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine.

The poem read:
"The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop, at late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still"

STORY NUMBER TWO

World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific.

One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet.

As he was returning to the mother ship, he saw something that turned his blood cold; a squadron of Japanese aircraft was speeding its way toward the American fleet.

The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet.

Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent.

Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible, rendering them unfit to fly. Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction.

Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier..

Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft. This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Medal of Honor..

A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man.

So, the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue & his Medal of Honor. It's located between Terminals 1 and 2.

SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?

Butch O'Hare was "Easy Eddie's" son.

Money has no memory. Experience has.

My friend UK forwarded this today morning and it seemed very nice, so I want to store it here.

Money has no memory. Experience has. You will never know what the total cost of your education was, but for a lifetime you will recall and relive the memories of schools and colleges. Few years from now, you will forget the amount you paid to settle the hospitalization bill, but will ever cherish having saved your mother's life or the
life you get to live with the just born. You won't remember the cost of your honeymoon, but to the last breath remember the experiences of the bliss of togetherness. Money has no memory. Experience has.

Good times and bad times, times of prosperity and times of poverty, times when the future looked so secure and times when you didn't know from where the tomorrow will come... life has been in one way or the other a roller-coaster ride for everyone. Beyond all that abundance and beyond all that deprivation, what remains is the memory of experiences. Sometimes the wallet was full... sometimes even the pocket was empty. There was enough and you still had reasons to frown. There wasn't enough and you still had reasons to smile. Today, you can look back with tears of gratitude for all the times you had laughed together, and also look back with a smile at all the times you cried alone. All in all, life filled you with experiences to create a history of your own self, and you alone can remember them all.

The first time you balanced yourself on your cycle without support... The first time she said 'yes' and it was two years since you proposed... The first cry... the first steps... the first word... the first kiss... all of your child... The first gift you bought for your parents and the first gift your daughter gave you... The first award... the first public appreciation... the first stage performance... And the list is endless... Experiences, with timeless memory... No denying that anything that's material cost money, but the fact remains the cost of the experience will be forgotten, but the experience never.

So, what if it's economic recession? Let it be, but let there not be a recession to the quality of your life. You can still take your parents, if not on a pilgrimage, at least to the local temple. You can still play with your children, if not on an international holiday, at least in the local park. It doesn't cost money to lie down or to take a loved one onto your lap. Nice time to train the employees, create leadership availability and be ready for the wonderful times when they arrive. Hey! Aspects like your health, knowledge development and spiritual growth are not economy dependent.

Time will pass... economy will revive... currency will soon be in current... and in all this; I don't want you to look back and realize you did nothing but stayed in gloom. Recession can make you lose out on money. Let it not make you lose out on experiences... If you are not happy with what you have, no matter how much more you have, you will still not be happy.

Make a statement with the way you live your life:

Learning Anything by trying different learning methods

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/tim_ferriss_smash_fear_learn_anything.html

Tim Ferris proves that we can learn anything IF we can find the correct learning method. So the effort (bulk of it) has to be made to find the correct method if the one being tried at the moment is not working for you. Once we hit upon the correct method for us, our learning in that discipline will 'take off'.

'Take off' is the appropriate phrase here as the learning literally takes off once we hit the correct method. Watch the above video to find out how quickly Time Ferris learnt swimming, Tango, and mutiple languages ONCE he hit upon the right method.

So, from now on, if I find learning something difficult, I am not going to blame my 'grasping power', but will blame the 'learning method'.

"Success", Seven Point Creed from John Wooden

I just discovered John Wooden, a legendary, if not 'the' legendary coach in college basketball. There was a video on Ted.com which led me to him.

What I gathered from his talk - A person is successful if he/she can realize their full potential, which is obviously achieved by giving their best. This 'potential' will be different for different people, so parents should not go crazy over kids getting lesser marks/grades than other kids and adults should not get depressed by comparing themselves with their friends, colleagues etc. He wanted his team to act the same way at the end of a game whether they won or lost the game. This is very different from the attitude that is prevalent in American sports today and cricket also - A W (Win) is all that matters. This kind of attitude destroys people psychologically and will obviously affect results. So, not just as a philosophy, but from the point of view of results also, I feel the coach's philosophy is far more effective.

"Never try to be better than others, learn from others. And never cease to be your best"
- from a video on Ted.com

He had 3 rules while he coached -
1. Never be late
2. Be neat
3. Never criticize a teammate


From wikipedia -

Seven Point Creed

John Wooden's Seven Point Creed [1], given to him by his father Joshua upon his graduation from grammar school:
Be true to yourself.
Make each day your masterpiece.
Help others.
Drink deeply from good books, especially the Bible.
Make friendship a fine art.
Build a shelter against a rainy day.
Pray for guidance and give thanks for your blessings every day.

Wooden also has authored a lecture and a book about the Pyramid of Success.[18] The Pyramid of Success consists of philosophical building blocks for winning at basketball and at life. He is also the author of several other books about basketball and life.

I found another quote recently - Be quick, but dont hurry (quoted by Phil Jackson recently)

Below are some more from Luke Walton's blog during 2009 NBA finals -

Happiness begins where selfishness ends

Earn the right to be proud and confident

The best way to improve the team is to improve ourself

I will get ready and then, perhaps, my chance will come

If I am through learning, I am through

The smallest good deed is better than the best intention