Height of patheticness

(Below is something I had written up in 2007 after narrating it as a joke to a friend. Its a true incident.... Would like to store it here.)

Height of patheticness
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I sometimes amaze myself. I say to myself - Jyothi Prasad, you have reached a new level in patheticness (I dont use correct grammar when I speak to myself).

A few months back I had decided it was time for a 'fightback'. I have a sort of a wise-quotes-bank that I fall back upon when I feel that I am in a really, really f***ed-up situation (One level below that is a 'really really screwed-up situation' and in those situations I dont fall back upon anything..I just go ahead and screw up). So the quote (BTW, my own quote) about fightback is - It is never ever too late to start a fightback. I'll repeat it for dramatic effect (if possible read it slowly) - It is never ever too late to start a fightback.

So, on that particular day in history, I repeated this quote to myself and I felt better and I decided I was going to make a sincere (a fightback requires 100% sincerity...I dont know if there is anything like 50% sincere..) attempt to correct everything that is wrong in my life. I knew I was going late to work everyday, I was not paying my credit card & all other bills on time, not doing laundry on time, not doing anything on time..My car was sitting in a parking lot in New Jersey without being used for months and I had to sell it...I did'nt know if it was even still there, as I had'nt seen it for 2 months at that point.. Thinking of the car reminded me of the parking ticket that I got 6 months before that.. And the list went on and on.. So I decided it was time to use the most powerful solution that exists for such forgetfulness - a to-do-list.

I tore a page from a notebook and started writing (in really small letters) all the things that I had to do. I ended up with quite a few items in the first attempt itself. But, of course I knew that there were several things I had'nt thought of or was not recollecting. Since I am very intelligent, I came up with the brilliant idea that I would keep the list with me at all times and keep adding to it whenever I remembered anything that I had to do.

Day 1 - By the end of day 1, I had added a few more items and I was feeling really hopeful and also normal/calm/focussed/serious etc. At night before going to bed, I put the list and a pen next to my pillow so that if I thought of anything in the middle of the night or early morning etc, I could write it down (BTW, that is called 100% sincerity...). I actually did write some items because of the night-strategy also.

Day 2 - Next day I tried to get some things done and by the end of the day, I had actually finished some things and had added maybe one or two more items to the to-do-list. Because of the list, I was able to really plan as to what to do in the morning just before going to the office, what I could take care of during lunchtime and then just before dinner and before sleeping, and while dreaming etc. Efficiency, Optimization etc were the buzz-words in my head. The quote which came to my mind was - Think like a commando.. When I walked, I walked with a sense of purpose.. I was becoming a normal person like everyone else and it felt good... Maybe this change in life-style/attitude would end up getting me a super sexy hot girlfriend... ok that is being too optimistic..but really, you never know what you can achieve when you are just a normal, sincere, hardworking person.

Day 3 & 4 - When the fightback reached end of day 3, I was finding it difficult to add items. Since the 'had-to-do' items seemed to be taken care of, I started adding items that I had always 'wanted-to-do'. I was transitioning from the red into the green. I had reached the second side of the page by now and had around 40 items or so. By the end of day 4, the page was almost full on both sides and at a certain time during that day (I think around lunch-time...could be because I was hungry and the mind hallucinates when it is hungry...) it occurred to me that if...if I just took care of this entire list.. my life would become like super right & happy again...I would be a totally new person... I was sort of amazed at this oppurtunity that I had run into.. It was'nt that hard to correct one's life, you only have to try, I thought, feeling super-duper wise...almost like Sean Connerey.

Day 5 - On day 5, I could not find the list.. On day 6 I realized I had lost it.. On day 7 I went back to my normal self, but with a new sense of myself... I can only categorize it as 'respect'... I am not going to mess with myself again...ever again. (Damn...I still have to pay the parking ticket!!)

[Edit] - 6 months later, just when I thought I could not amaze myself any further, I did... I found the list somewhere....I picked it up shaking my head... I opened it and as I started to glance down the list, to my Evil-Dead-horror, I found most items still unfinished...I immediately decided that I did not want to repeat last time's colossal mistake.. I stopped reading the list, closed my eyes, and threw it away.....and thought - phewwww that was close...